Come Back Stephen, All Is Forgiven

I have been too upset to talk/write about this for months now, but I simply must stop putting it off: I have been very upset with Stephen King.

Not that he cares.

It's about the Dark Tower series. He finally concluded it in the fall, after, what, 15 years? Fifteen years of his fans trudging faithfully along with Roland and his band, learning to speak dialects that take on a freakish life of their own, pretending we are gunslingers too, imagining ourselves as lean mean fighting machines instead of the geeky couch potatoes most of us are. (You know it's true.) We've expended all kinds of mental energy keeping track of alternate worlds, characters picked up from other King books and given new life then killed off and of course agonies of waiting between installments. And at last. The final installment. Roland the Gunslinger finds his Tower.

So as not to completely ruin the ending for anyone who hasn't already read it, I won't tell any specifics, but let me say, when Stephen King says "stop reading here," believe him. I know you won't stop, you'll keep going because you are a Hopeless Fan like me and you've been at this through 7 volumes and no way are you going to shut that book and leave a few more pages left. But please listen to Stephen. He's about to ruin the whole thing for you. He claims he has no control over the books he writes but I can hear him cackling nonetheless because he KNOWS we're all going to read those last few pages. And then he says we're not allowed to write him nasty letters because he forewarned us, after all. We're not allowed to show up on his doorstep and complain and whine. We're not allowed to stalk him. Not even a little bit.

Anyway I am finally coming out of my funk and am willing to consider a reconciliation with Stephen. I even re-read Firestarter a couple of weeks ago. (Still one of his best.) What's done is done. Things will never be the same between us, but at least we can rebuild our relationship. I'm waiting, Stephen.