Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Miss B's Cause and Effect Paper

This is a paper B wrote for 11th grade English. The assignment was Cause and Effect.

I began typing this cause and effect paper at approximately 6:30 P.M. on Wednesday April 30th, the day it was due. However, I have three perfectly good reasons why my paper was not done or even started sooner. My almost late paper is the effect of the Second Law of Thermodynamics, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, and Adolescent Egocentrism.

My paper is almost late because of Mr. Kelly and the Second Law of Thermodynamics. The Second Law of Thermodynamics states that the entropy of an isolated system, which is not in equilibrium, will increase over time, i.e., whiteboards used on a regular basis will eventually transform from a state of cleanliness to filthiness, thus fulfilling the Second Law. Mr. Kelly asked me to clean his whiteboards and in return he would award me a few extra credit points. Because I stayed after school to clean his whiteboards, I was late coming home and had less time to work on my cause and effect paper. Luckily, however, I finished it just in time to watch Super Nanny.

No, wait. It was actually almost late because of Mr. Winters and Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Mr. Winters recently taught us that an individual must first fulfill his or her physiological needs. So, before I could start my paper, I needed to consume half a bucket of chocolate chip cookie dough (my need for food), and then take a two hour-long nap (my need for sleep). After my basic needs were met, I was able to continue on with Maslow’s higher needs, such as “experiencing purpose, meaning, and realizing all my inner potential” -- writing my paper. Thankfully, I was able to finish my paper on time.

Actually that was not the cause either. The real reason my paper was almost late is because of Ms. Garin and Adolescent Egocentrism. When I was told that I had to write a cause and effect paper, I knew it was because all the teachers are out to get me. They all want to see me fail, so they push pointless assignments at me and then wait in anticipation for me to fall on my face. In particular, my English teacher just cannot wait to give me an F on my cause and effect paper and see the sadness in my face as she crushes my poor, innocent soul. But then, Ms. Garin told me to get over my adolescent egocentrism and realize that not everything is about me. I got over it and wrote my paper.

Thus we see, despite Sadi Carnot (originator of the Second Law of Thermodynamics), Abraham Maslow and Erik Erikson (who first defined adolescent egocentrism), this paper was indeed turned in on time.


Aaron said...

The lil' woman and I liked this.

Aaron said...

Oh, I mean the "hot babe" and I liked this.

(it won't happen again)

PakAmeristanican said...

Please tell Ms B from me that if any of my students were ever to hand in an essay like this to me, they'd get an instant A. It shows that she actually understands what she's studying beyond being able to define it, it is well-written from a grammatical and structural point of view, and the chocolate bar topping on the double chocolate fudge cake is that it's funny, too! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

P.S. All my students will tell you I'm a hard grader.