Saturday, February 21, 2009

Unfortunately, Maria

This is another variation of those Google-your-name memes. In this one, you put "unfortunately, yourname" into Google and post the top 10 results. Here are mine (minus the other names that got added to many of the Marias):
  • Unfortunately Maria suffered a 3 set loss in the US Open 1st round... [To my surprise, the top 2 searches both related to professional tennis players, only not the same professional tennis player.]
  • Unfortunately, Maria had seen in the New Year by drinking champagne and staying up very late at the fashionable Rome nightclub, Circolo degli Sacchi... [But of course.]
  • Unfortunately, Maria had gone to Antigua to purchase cloth to sell, so we were not able to speak with her... [How exotic!]
  • Unfortunately, Maria did not have the time to interpret all the works specifically composed for her.... [Oh yes, I have that problem too.]
  • Unfortunately, Maria lives with her grandmother, mother, sister and nephew, all of whom depend on her for income. [Not to mention the dog, cats, chickens, fish and cockatiel.]
  • Unfortunately Maria is most likely in the early stages of menopause, as i was greeted with the bedside manner of a lump of feces... [For the record, yes, I'm menopausal, but I have NEVER greeted anyone with the bedside manner of a lump of feces.]
  • Unfortunately Maria does nothing for me. [Okay, now that hurt!]
  • Unfortunately, Maria frequently used a lead-based make-up and consumed excessive amounts of arsenic, which was then used to keep one’s skin clear. [What can I say? I'm a slave to fashion.]


Shallowsister said...

These were hilarious! Gotta try my name...

Connie said...

Those are classic! I had no idea you were so . . . . diverse in your activities.

Aaron said...

Ooh! Ooh! You could hardly wait, I know:

1. "Unfortunately, Aaron is leaving the title, as will this fan." Why, yes, I am a retiring champion of comic-book character figurine painting! How did you know?!?

2. "Unfortunately, Aaron could not defend himself, but Martha was able to take Agent Adams' gun and shoot him before Aaron could be killed." Which is a relief. Thank you, Martha.

3. "Unfortunately, Aaron [Neville] couldn't resist the temptation and became addicted to heroin."

4. "Unfortunately Aaron has tarnished his legacy by refusing to display the accustomed graciousness when [Barry] Bonds broke his record." Use steroids to take away my home run title, will you?

5. "Unfortunately, Aaron ... did not find work right away and was obliged to take on freelance work for a while..." A fascinating snippet from the "Summary" portion of my paralegal resume, in which I refer to myself in the 3rd person like 20 times and it isn't irritating or self-absorbed in the least.

6. "Unfortunately, Aaron v. Cooper was not the last school desegregation case, and the pace of integration has been slower than any of the ..."

7. "Unfortunately Aaron wasn't able to make it to the room party on Friday night (which by the way looked awesome with all the ballons,..." I don't mingle with fans of my TV series who can't even spell "balloon."

8. "Unfortunately Aaron ... will always be under scrutiny now just as Muttiah… that guy with the supposedly deformed arm that has no difficulty straightening" Totally unfair. Muttiah isn't half the cricket player that I am.

9. "Unfortunately, Aaron [Lewis] tickets can be expensive and not easy to find."

10. "Unfortunately Aaron opened this to sample when we phoned to arrange our visit a couple of days previously . Some oxidation, browning, good depth and length ..." Ew. Just, ew.